Too often we give our power away and inadvertently, lose our sense of worthiness in the process. Our culture hasn’t been able to teach you what it means to be truly powerful. As a result, you may often feel diminished unnecessarily. That diminishment may take the form of feelings of awkwardness, embarrassment, shame or child by feelings of vulnerability. Our culture didn’t understand that it is every child’s birthright to feel unconditionally loved - just imagine going to a nursery and looking at all the precious infants-is there any newborn that doesn’t deserve to be bathed in love? Without receiving this pure, unconditional love most people didn’t develop a sense of worthiness and look for the affirmation and validation they didn’t receive as children.
If you feel vulnerable to how other people react to you it is because you weren’t celebrated enough for your own uniqueness. This may have left you feeling that there is something intrinsically unlovable about you and these feelings get triggered when you are either not validated or if you are overtly criticized. To complicate things even more our culture conditions us to believe that the way feel better about ourselves is to feel superior to others. We end up living on a seesaw where someone has to be on the bottom and someone has to be on the top. Even if we are momentarily on the top we know that our position is tenuous, essentially what goes up must come down. In reality, the only way we can feel truly secure in our fundamental worthiness is to lovingly and compassionately embrace our human differences without judgment.
In order to maintain your own sense of worthiness it is important to see other people as they really are so that you don’t over empower people and simultaneously diminish yourself. To understand what is really going on with someone who was being hurtful or diminishing to you just imagine that they are talking to themselves in the mirror. Whatever they are doing to you is something that they learned when they were young and vulnerable. Somebody important in their life diminished them and some wires got crossed and they feel that diminishing others makes them powerful. They live their life on that seesaw I mentioned above and are stuck in the unending process of always trying to be on the top and always being afraid of being on the bottom. So, if you see them clearly you will understand that they are suffering because no matter how much they diminish others their feelings of unworthiness remain. Can you really imagine a person who felt secure within themselves needing to diminish somebody else? Truly powerful people are able to accept their own imperfections and naturally feel the same acceptance with the inevitable imperfections in others.
Our culture has things ass backwards and too often misinterprets hurtful behavior as coming from a sense of power when it is quite the opposite. This happens when we are vulnerable and dependent as children when adults are critical or angry we don’t have the resources to maintain our own sense of worthiness. We aren’t able to perceive our parents and the important adults in our lives is having weaknesses because they seem so all-powerful to us because of our own dependency on them. Not receiving the proper emotional education keeps us living with this child to misinterpretation of what power is.
There is a quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that I would like to share with you- “no one can humiliate you without your cooperation.” Too often what happens is that when someone is critical or demeaning it triggers memories from childhood, when you truly were vulnerable and could be victimized. An important tool in transforming those memories is to replace them with memories that feel better because they support your feeling lovable. You might try resurrecting a memory of being with a friend who is loving, or being some place in nature feeling the warm sun caressing your skin, or feeling close to a beloved pet. Keep the memory simple and allow yourself to savor the warm feelings you are receiving. If you practice relieving these experiences often enough you will literally rewire your brain and nervous system increasing your feelings of peacefulness and well-being. It is important to practice this when you are not triggered into feeling badly about yourself because it may be hard to switch gears. I usually suggest that people do a simple breathing exercise; put your hands on your belly and inhale to the count of four filling up your belly and just sitting in a relaxed position not using your shoulder or back muscles as you inhale-when you exhale purse your lips and blow out like you’re blowing a candle to the count of eight. Nice easy relaxing breaths. This breathing exercise lowers your cortisol level, which is the hormone you produce when you are stressed. If you do it before any visualization it makes you more receptive to opening up to a new and loving experience.
I invite you to subscribe to my YouTube channel because all of my videos contain tools for greater empowerment https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=LpZg3uu2hSQ. I know I needed support to become more liberated, loving and joyful and I want to offer my support to you. I would very much appreciate your feedback and I am available in any way I can be to support you. If there is any way that I can for you on this journey please feel free to contact me at helen@helenkramer.com.
I would like to share with you some other blogs and videos with important tools for transformation.
Invitation to Emotional Education and Greater Empowerment https://youtu.be/SerlxbQbc3k
How to Attract and Sustain Loving Relationshipshttps://youtu.be/jnQMeXmkvtM
Taking the Stress Out of Stresshttps://youtu.be/3YAlPW1pmO4
The Power of Compassion https://youtu.be/6W1ZYuafyvM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W1ZYuafyvM
The Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering and How to Heal Ithttps://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554
How to Enhance Your Self-Esteem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno
Receiving Unconditional Love-A Meditation https://youtu.be/cdS-hND7ZZU
Oral Sex and the Male Dilemma https://youtu.be/ZcvaO31XB0M
Breaking the Painful Cycle of Overeating https://youtu.be/ZIvkbyxkfCU
Here are some links to videos they did in 2012 with Alan Steinfield when I appeared on his New Realities Television Show.
Helen Kramer talks about Neuroplasticity and the Adult Within youtu.be/LpZg3uu2hSQ https://
How to Deal with Anxiety in New Way https://youtu.be/Eh7oCJSC-aE
Helen Kramer talks about How to Become More Spiritual https://youtu.be/hWIQ9ZKyc8s